its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
