things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
