she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
