Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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