you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Randomize