explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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