You kept calling me your small dog last night.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
