Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
