Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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