I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
