Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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