Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
