so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
