my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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