I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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