Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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