I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
