3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
