Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
