I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
