good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
