His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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