He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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