she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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