Swine flu. Run for my life!
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
