areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
We got so high we made milksteak
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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