her vagine was all disorganized.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
