it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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