OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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