Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
