I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Damn victory sex feels great
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize