Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
