p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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