You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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