handjob tips. give me some.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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