dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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