Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
