I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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