Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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