I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
