Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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