i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
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Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
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BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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