You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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