Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
