I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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