I bet he comes in French.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
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