I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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