it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
