I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
