dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
it hurts more in the daytime
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
