if i can run in heels then i can drive
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It's shark week go big or go home
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
