margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
