I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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