"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
