I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
