You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
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Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
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Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Couch. On fire.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize