Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
