i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
3 2 1 whiskey
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
