I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
