I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
