Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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