he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
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It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
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Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
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