he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I could make wine with my vomit
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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