I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
