Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
