and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Rumble strips road head = magical
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
