Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
