Your tits are I can't wait for
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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