I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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