So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
