I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
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We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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