So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
