My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
