end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
